I don’t really get jewelry.

By this I’m implying that I get most other things.  I get why an outfit is fashionable and how to make one similar.  I get why mixing old and new is the ‘it’ thing in interior design and why it’s okay to mash up patterns.  I get which song elements seem to rouse everyone who hears it, even if I couldn’t compose it myself.  Hell, I get why some event posters around campus are more effective than others (FONTS, people).

Maybe it’s because those things have been explained to me in one way or another.  Simon Cowell and Martha Stewart and Heidi Klum all make sure I get it, and that everyone who watches gets it, and now that’s why we all throw out words like “pitchy” and “fierce” and “neck elongation” and “make it work”.  (Although I don’t know where I learned so much about the personalities of fonts.)

It took me a while to get shoes, because I couldn’t understand who in this world would bother looking at other people’s feet.  Somewhere along the line, I realized I couldn’t STOP staring at feet, and that is when I knew I got shoes.  I get scarves and gloves.  Belts I’ve never worn, so I should admit that I don’t know much about belts.

But the item of vanity I know the least about is jewelry.  I don’t get it. The only jewelry I wear is a glass drop bead necklace I got from Silpada and a silver claddagh ring, both of which my mom gave me ages ago.  I put them on everyday without a second thought. That’s because they were gifts, and they mean something, and I love things that mean things.  But that stuff you’ve got to pick for yourself to show off some personality?  When I am in a shop and end up in front of the accessories rack, I have no idea what to think.  My eye is never drawn to any one thing.  I don’t know what looks cheap and what doesn’t, and whether at my age it’s okay for something to look cheap.  I don’t know what’s garish and what’s not.  I always end up panicking and foregoing any of it.

Something tells me I am not ever going to get a jewelry-making reality show tentatively titled Accessories Smackdown, and if it ever did come on TV I would absolutely not watch it because wow, BORING.  Instead, I am just going to have to figure it out for myself: sit down with it in all its pieces and put it together until I like it, until I get it.  As I determined for myself long ago, I need something to do with my hands to keep me happy, or at least sane, to steady my hands when neuroses get out of control.  Last summer I did jigsaw puzzles and counted change.  During the year before that I crocheted an afghan blanket.  I played instruments in the many years before that, and basketball.  These past few weeks I’ve been cranky, realizing that I didn’t yet have any new craft that really grabbed my interest, and I thought, terrific, now I’ll just be an irritably spazzy-handed nutjob with too much time and no money.

But then today I went to look at a room to rent that I really loved; it was gigantic, part of a nice Georgian house in a quiet and conveniently located area.  A large bed, a large wardrobe, plenty of shelf space, and in the corner I suddenly pictured myself crouched over the table with a string of wire and box of beads, watching Buffy after a long day at the internship and waiting for my boyfriend to come over so we can make dinner.  I realized that’s exactly the summer I want this time around, and that is the activity I want to keep me occupied.

And then if anyone asks me why I’m wasting so much time and energy on vanity, I’ll say what are you talking about, I thought I told you: I don’t get jewelry.  I’m selling this shit on Etsy to those suckers who do.  Get me a few bob.