I went on a girl date.

Not just any girl date, but a blind girl date.  So blind, in fact, that I don’t think the other girl knew it was a girl date.  But for me, it was a chance to make a connection with another girl, to establish a friendship in a new environment, so that when I arrive in Ireland I won’t be totally alone, friend-wise.

My boyfriend, orchestrator of the date and thus the modern day equivalent of the very attractive Rashida Jones, teased me mercilessly before and after.  Was I nervous?  What would we talk about?  He escorted me there, made small talk, and then very cleverly excused himself to go back to work.  It went pretty well, but she played it cool.  When I met my boyfriend again later, he asked how long I was going to wait to friend her?  Would I write on her wall, or send or a message, or just not?  What did we talk about?  Were there sparks?  Did she like me?  Did I like her?  Do I think we’ll connect again when I get back to Ireland?*

I said later, “You know, scenarios like this are why all my friends used to think I was actually gay!”

What happened to making friends?  It used to be so easy.  High school was, in looking back, awesome: hanging out with your friends all day, doing minimal work, and talking back to teachers who didn’t really mind.  There was no real pressure to bond with anyone, you just did because they were there, all day every day.

I haven’t made a real friend since then.  College was a total wash in that regard — it was impossible for me to connect with many people at BC, and I drifted from the few that I liked.  Those that I made at Trinity are either gone to their respective home countries or hate me because I’m beautiful (read: dating someone beautiful).  Even now that I’m back home, I see my best friends once a month, if that.  I’m not forced into anyone’s company for very long, so nothing lasts.

I know most of that’s my own fault.  I’m a recluse, and I don’t enjoy going out in America, and so when I’m invited places I just decline and go back to playing with my stuffed animals.  But I’m not talking about at night.  I mean, don’t most people have those friends they can call up to go to lunch?  That they can jump into conversations with without having to first ask everything polite, because they talk so much that they already know what they’re up to?  That have long phone calls for no reason and throw birthday parties for each other?

I don’t know what I’m talking about, I never made a friend-friend at BC so I don’t know how we girls are supposed to interact at this age.  The last all-girl several-hour get-together I had involved pasta salad, boxes of chocolate, and Love Actually, and that was Christmas 2008.  All I know is, college is over in a few months, and for the rest of my life I will be desperately reaching for connectible points in every female interaction I have.  Topics of conversation I’ve got in my repertoire: menstruation, Taylor Swift, commitment, Ellen DeGeneres, going to bed early.  Any other girly talking points I should brush up on?

*She friended me back!