• “FML.”
  • “said [object].” As in, “I bought a new car, then I immediately trashed said car.”  No one is as confused as you think they are.
  • “aforementioned” See the aforementioned bullet point.
  • “I feel like…” pronounced “Ifeellike”, as in “Ifeellike she’s just never gonna be happy without a boyfriend” or “Ifeellike we should eat dinner soon” or “Ifeellike Christopher Columbus discovered America.”