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Thursday, March 6th, 2008
Another month, another overreaction from the biggest drama queen walking this green earth--my body. Riding a bike was too much, not wearing gloves was too much, and now wearing contacts is too much. Fortunately none of this is taking too much time to heal, and a couple of eye drops plus a week of glasses will take care of the keratitis (not conjunctivitis, as it were).
But while my left eye is currently drooping and leaking and ultra-sensitive to light, I'm still finding things I enjoy looking at. Today was a really gorgeous day, warm enough that I could leave my car windows half down and drink an iced tea and not get unnecessarily angry at my keys for not appearing in my hand the second my thoughts brushed near them. I hit the brakes before I passed Bert's and decided to just go ahead and take some pictures of the beach.
It's important that I find things I can enjoy looking at, because March is a very tough month. My birthday's come and gone, so there's nothing to wait for (not that there was anything to wait for anyway), spring is a big fake until May and it hurts my heart, and I'm so done with schoolwork it's gross. This whole week I've been watching episode after episode of Veronica Mars on my computer instead of reading Tom Jones, even though Tom Jones is a perfectly good, funny book and I want to know what happens next. I'm feeling pretty unmotivated at the mo' and it's about time for a change of pace.
I look forward to the end of this school year because a) next school year is going to be off the chain, and b) this summer should be all right. I plan to make it slightly more active, with plenty of different goings-on already planned. Whether I get the internships I'm interviewing for or not, I don't really care, because they're not paid and they're a hike. It is absolutely possible to work seven days a week in the summer, and I'd do it again if I had to, but I don't have to. I don't have to have a million different publications for my portfolio this early--none of my peers do--and even if I do, I certainly won't be screwed if I don't work for some company this summer. I can always freelance. Shit, I'll save gas money and I'll have extra time to do the things I want to do, however brief those windows will be. Taking a break from writing and submitting this summer will not kill me, it will not be the end of me. Okay? (Remember this come April when I actually am turned down for the internships and my head explodes.)
But this is all very far away in the current scope of things. In the meantime I have to find things that I like, which can be hard when I feel so down all the time. I just have to keep planning, keep putting things down in my agenda, keep knowing where I'm going, because the moment I stop, I don't ask for directions. I pull over to the side of the road and dry heave. It's a style.
Replies: 2 Comments
garv said at 09:09 AM, 3.6.08:happy belated, molly! make sure you plan in some family dinners at addie's house in the summer
deedz said at 11:32 AM, 3.6.08:love the pictures of the beach molls. i just took a bunch of those last weekend. & dits to what garv said, especially happy belated birthday! (sorry i missed it, i'm terrible with that stuff)