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Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
Character Profiles, Part I: Mr. Right
Welcome, one and all, to a new segment called Character Profiles. My fictional writing has always suffered from an inability to be creative-creative, the kind where you, you know, make things up. Instead, very now and then, I meet someone who says or does something that sticks in my mind, and next thing I know there is a single sentence repeating over and over, and I spend the night writing thirty pages. This happens rarely and never amounts to much, as I reach the end with neither a very good short story nor a very good long story. Not that I'm scrambling to write the next great American novel, but would it kill me to try now and then? To invent a main character who isn't me? Who knows if this new effort is going to pay off in the least, but for the time being, let's pretend that these character profiles will be a memorable depository for daily dialogues. Some are hilarious, some are heartbreaking, and some are so stupid I could just about smack my face into the nearest doorframe and I still wouldn't be the stupidest person in the room.
"I wanna beeee a papi, toooo! Dooon't you seeee, papiiiiiii. Is that guy paying with pennies? Are those fucking pennies?"
"I think he is."
"You gotta be kidding me. Hey, you look familiar. Do I know you?"
"No."
"Where you from?"
"Plymouth."
"Plymouth! Ohhh! Yeah, I know some girls from Plymouth. I'm from Lynn. Way different place. You look familiar, though. How old are you, if that's okay that I ask?"
"I'm 20."
"You are not."
"...Yep."
"You look older than 20. Do I look older than 20? I feel so old, I'm going on 35. Do I look like I'm going on 35?"
"You don't."
"Some people tell me I look 40."
"Well, you do not look 40."
"Aww. You're a sweet girl. I wouldn't hurt you."
Drunkard carrying a pizza box, stumbling into a bus seat. "Hey! It's--it's you! It is the funniest thing in the world that you are on this bus! Hey, I know this girl! She's--she's--I know this girl! I know her like a someone I know."